"Go Ahead. You Can Be Honest With Me."

“Go ahead. You can be honest with me.” This is often the most dishonest statement every uttered. A person comes to you for advice, help, counsel, etc. In essence, he is asking you what his problem is, what is wrong with his life, where he went wrong, what should he or shouldn’t he do, etc. To lead you into thinking, “It’s ok; I can be totally candid with him,” he coaxes you to share how things look from your perspective with “Go ahead. You can be honest with me.” If any says that to you, whether spouse, friend, counselee, boss, child, etc., you had better watch it. It is a set up. It is said to lead you to believe that person is really opened to constructive criticism, that you can be frankly objective with him. In reality, it comes from an inferiority that desires to hear what you think of him—not so he can change, but so it can be about him; if you share anything other than praise about him, in a twisted way, he in self-obsession delights in adding that to his poor-me-I-am-being-misunderstood persecution complex. In short, if one says, “Go ahead, you can be honest with me,” you can’t be honest with him. Well, thankfully, not everybody is like this. There are also those few who truly mean it when they say, “You can be honest with me.” These truly mean it because, I believe, they have first said it to God and meant it. “God, you can be honest with me. Go ahead.” The psalmist showed he was one such when he invited God, “Search me, Oh God, and know my thoughts…” Such a person is also one who is honest with himself. Again, in the words of a psalmist, he “speaks the truth in his heart.” Sadly, those with whom you cannot be honest in response to their assurance you can be honest, get upset to their own detriment. If only they would accept the honest appraisal. It could make all the difference in their lives. What wonderful strides they could make in their personal growth. One should begin with God: “God, tell me what you think. Go ahead. You can be honest with me. Honestly!” Can you? Can you say, “Go ahead. You can be honest with me.”? Honest to God?